How to Recognize and Let Go of Impossibly High Standards
Every fall, I notice a subtle shift. As the air becomes crisp and pumpkin-spiced products begin to line store shelves, planners reappear on desks, and the pace of life inevitably picks up. I watch with mixed feelings as the carefree attitude of summer gives way to a renewed emphasis on productivity. For some, this transition can feel like an energizing opportunity to start strong at school, meet year-end goals at work, or reset personal habits. But for those prone to perfectionism, this season may also bring a surge of pressure to consistently meet high standards and push through difficulties at any cost.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is about so much more than merely wanting to do well. For many, it shows up as high standards which are lacking in flexibility, and a belief that one’s worth is heavily dependent upon performance. As a result, many individuals with perfectionistic traits feel an enormous pressure to constantly excel.
When perfectionism is at play, even minor mistakes can lead to intense self-criticism. At times, the fear of failure may prevent someone from trying to achieve a goal in the first place. And even when goals are reached, perfectionism may simply “move the goalpost,” creating the sense that one’s original standards were too lax. Over time, this exhausting cycle can undermine both productivity and overall well-being.
Signs You Might be Struggling with Perfectionism
- You procrastinate because you fear not doing something “perfectly.”
- You feel anxious or guilty when you make mistakes.
- You avoid trying new things unless you’re sure you’ll succeed.
- You constantly compare yourself to others.
- You feel like nothing you do is ever “good enough.”
- You spend excessive amounts of time trying to make sure school or work assignments are perfect.
For those navigating perfectionism, the fall season can feel especially challenging, as new beginnings at school or work often bring pressure to perform at a high standard. Being in a new class or peer group may also lead you to compare yourself to others and notice where you feel you might be falling short.
Perfectionism: Pros and Cons
It’s important to recognize that perfectionism isn’t necessarily always “bad”. For many people, perfectionism can feel like a strength – something that motivates them to work hard, strive for excellence, and reach important goals. But when taken to the extreme, perfectionism can start to work against us. In fact, research shows that it’s linked to higher levels of stress, procrastination, and burnout, as well as an increased risk of mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
Strategies for Addressing Unhelpful Perfectionism
If you find yourself struggling with perfectionism, there are a few simple steps you can take to help loosen its grip – just enough to make space for joy, flexibility, and self-acceptance, without losing the drive that makes you who you are. Here are just a few:
- Practice Self-Compassion: Notice when your inner critic shows up and try to respond with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend. Self-compassion has been shown to reduce perfectionistic self-criticism and support resilience.
- Set Flexible, Realistic Goals: Shift from rigid, “perfect or nothing” standards toward goals that emphasize growth and progress. This allows space for mistakes as part of the learning process.
- Reframe All-or-Nothing Thinking: Perfectionism often labels anything less than flawless as failure. Try replacing “I failed” with “I learned something valuable that I can use next time.” This cognitive shift helps reduce pressure and fosters resilience.
- Limit Unhelpful Comparisons: Social comparison can fuel perfectionism. Gently remind yourself that everyone’s path is unique, and your journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
If perfectionism feels like it’s running the show in your life, know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with the weight of high standards, and it is possible to find a gentler balance between striving for success and allowing yourself the space to be an imperfect human. If you feel like you need additional support in managing perfectionism and related concerns, therapy can offer a safe space to identify how these patterns are impacting your life and explore new, kinder ways of relating to yourself. You don’t have to let go of your ambition or drive – only the pressure to be flawless. By practicing self-compassion and allowing space for mistakes, you can begin to cultivate a healthier, more flexible way of moving through the world.
References:
Antony, M. M., & Swinson, R. P. (2009). When perfect isn’t good enough (2 nd edition). New Harbinger Publications.
Borgdorf, K. S. A., Aguilar-Raab, C., & Holt, D. V. (2025). Effects of a brief online self-compassion training on perfectionism, self-criticism, and social anxiety: A randomized controlled trial. Internet Interventions, 42, Article 100870. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.invent.2025.100870
Cho, M., & Lee, Y. S. (2022). The effects of medical students’ self-oriented perfectionism on academic procrastination: The mediating effect of fear of failure. Korean Journal of Medical Education, 34(2), 121–129. https://doi.org/10.3946/kjme.2022.224
Egan, S. J., Wade, T. D., & Shafran, R. (2012). The transdiagnostic process of perfectionism. Revista de Psicopatologia y Psicologia Clinica, 17(3), 279–294. https://doi.org/10.5944/rppc.vol.17.num.3.2012.11844
Grugan, M. C., Hill, A. P., Madigan, D. J., Donachie, T. C., Olsson, L. F., & Etherson, M. E. (2021). Perfectionism in academically gifted students: A systematic review. Educational Psychology Review, 33(4), 1631–1673. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10648-021-09597-7
Hawkins, S., & Mackinnon, S. P. (2025). Does perfectionism moderate the relationship between postsecondary student stress and academic self-efficacy, self-concept, and burnout? Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science. https://doi.org/10.1037/cbs0000466
Shafran, R., Egan, S., & Wade, T. (2010). Overcoming perfectionism: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques. Constable and Robinson.
Simon, P. D., Salanga, M. G., & Aruta, J. J. (2025). The distinct link of perfectionism with positive and negative mental health outcomes. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 16, Article 1492466. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1492466
