The first years of parenting multiples felt like being thrown into a world I couldn’t possibly prepare for. Even with a toddler at home, carrying, birthing, and raising twins was love and wonder tangled with fear, exhaustion, endless appointments, and overwhelming logistics—everything, multiplied.
Many parents of twins, triplets, or more describe similar feelings of overwhelm and isolation, wondering if anyone else truly sees what they’re going through. From the start – throughout pregnancy, birth, and those first sleepless months — extra decisions, potential health complications, appointments and needs require extra attention. You may quickly feel exhaustion from the need to become an expert juggler, problem solver, and splitter of your time and attention. While each child has their own rhythms and needs, you’re also trying to nurture a bond with them, and care for yourself!
For many parents of multiples, myself included, it can feel like there is a dissonance between parenting guidance and reality. It is too much, too fast, with no handbook to prepare you. If that’s you, you’re not alone—these feelings are incredibly common.
Mental Health Challenges for Parents of Multiples
Why mental health risks are higher
Parenting twins or higher-order multiples often means the usual struggles of the postpartum period are multiplied. Research shows that mothers of multiples face higher rates of postpartum depression, anxiety, and parenting stress compared with parents of singletons.
Sleep deprivation is extreme, with many mothers averaging only 4–5 fragmented hours a night in the first months. This constant exhaustion makes it harder to cope with daily stressors and can intensify feelings of overwhelm.
Emotional Experiences
Beyond fatigue, parents often describe deep guilt about not being able to meet both babies’ needs at once. Many also grieve the loss of bonding time they imagined having, especially when attention is divided between infants. Feelings of isolation are common—mothers note that their birth stories, daily routines, and struggles feel different than friends who are caring for one baby at a time.
Barriers to Accessing Care
Even when parents want support, many find it difficult to get. Time constraints, lack of childcare, and the sheer logistics of leaving the house with two or more babies keep many parents from attending social events, therapy, or community supportsStigma and internal pressure to simply “push through”—can also prevent parents from reaching out.
Practical Barriers and Stressors
Logistically, raising multiples brings unique hurdles. Feeding (whether tandem nursing or bottle-feeding), finding childcare, or even leaving the house can feel overwhelming. Standard parenting advice often doesn’t apply to families with multiples, leaving many parents without guidance that fits their reality. Financial pressures, medical complications, and constant attention from strangers in public can add layers of stress.
What Parents of Multiples Say They Need
When asked what would help, most mothers of multiples emphasize support that acknowledges their unique experiences. They want providers who understand the realities of raising multiples, flexible care options (like online counseling), and reassurance that their feelings are valid and common. Many also seek connection with other parents of multiples, finding comfort and strength in peer support.
5 Practical Steps You Can Take Today
Schedule Activities & Establish Routines
Many twin parents find that routine, while initially hard to establish, becomes the lifeline that allows them more space for consistent support. Scheduling weekly activities that align with your values and goals, can allow space to feel connection to peers, supported by community or freedom to care for yourself.
Letting Go & Setting Boundaries
A big part of parenting multiples is letting go of expectations around what motherhood/ fatherhood should or could look like. Discerning what matters most to you and forming consistent boundaries can work to help alleviate some of the all-consuming burdens in trying to do it all. Establishing boundaries also helps to manage burnout in caregiving, co-parenting, managing the support of others, loss of privacy and logistical challenges.
Prioritize Moments of Connection with Yourself and Partner (or Family!)
For those parenting multiples with a partner, this team approach can be bonding in many ways, but also brings extra stressors and challenges in sustaining a strong connection. Finding ongoing moments to connect in meaningful ways can remind you of your connection beyond your parenting roles. This gives you a chance to notice how each of you are changing as humans in these new roles, and find ways to grow together through change.
Finding your VOICE as a parent of multiples can help to alleviate feeling stuck or overwhelmed by all of the noise and advice. Creative outlets like writing, drawing, or exercise, allow your mind to process the connection between who you were and are becoming.
Finding your supports:
Fellow Parents of Multiples: One of the best ways to feel seen, understood and connected is finding fellow parents who can listen and give practical and concrete strategies for multiple(s) parenting. Parents of multiples bring a compassionate expertise in what it takes to develop these unique skills!
Invite a few to join your Village: Family and friends who respect your approach to parenting, can provide you opportunities to get away. Time for rest might look like going for a slow, quiet walk around the block, enjoying a few hours with friends, or doing solo errands without the constant attention of strangers!
Therapy Support:
Therapy can be a gift to yourself, offering time to slow down, process what feels challenging, and mindfully show self-compassion for all that you’re holding. Here are some ideas for how therapy could help:
- To align what matters most to you with the needs of parenting multiples
- Build tools to bond with your multiples while setting sustainable boundaries
- Create a space to process complex emotions, that honour a spectrum of emotional experiences such as joy, gratitude, loss, doubt, fear and resentment
- Remember the strength and resilience you hold each moment!
- Navigate changes in your sense of self, partnerships and friendships
Virtual Versus In-Person:
As a twin parent, I understand how unpredictable nap schedules, babysitting needs, or the fear of a baby waking mid-session can make therapy feel overwhelming—which is why I hold space for both the comfort of virtual sessions and the calm, focused support of in-person care.
Additional Resources Vetted by a Parent of Multiples:
Articles:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/twins/how-raise-twins
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/twin-dilemmas/202509/the-girl-with-two-heads
Podcasts:
Janet Lansbury (Unruffled Podcast): Balancing the Needs of More Than One Child (with Erica Orosco Cruz)
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2022/05/balancing-the-needs-of-more-than-one-child-with-erica-orosco-cruz/
Twin Talks: Pregnancy and Parenting Multiple Children https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/twin-talks-pregnancy-and-parenting-multiple-children/id823657611
References:
Beck, C. T. (2021). Mothering twins during the first year of life: a metaphor analysis. The Journal of Perinatal Education, 30(2), 89. https://doi.org/10.1891/J-PE-D-20-00017
Wenze, S. J., Miers, Q. A., & Battle, C. L. (2020). Postpartum mental health care for mothers of multiples: A qualitative study of new mothers’ treatment preferences. Journal of Psychiatric Practice®, 26(3), 201-214. https://doi.org/10.1097/PRA.0000000000000469
