Lately, I’ve been noticing how frustrating it is when someone I’m with can’t stop checking their phone. You know that feeling—talking to someone who’s half-listening, eyes flicking between you and their screen. It makes me feel disconnected. And then came the uncomfortable realization: I do this too.
I started to notice just how often I reached for my phone—out of habit, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, or just to avoid a quiet moment. And as someone who talks with clients every day about building intentional lives and emotional regulation, I couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling that my own habits were pulling me away from the kind of presence and connection I really want to cultivate. And so, I’ve been trying to change.
Too be clear, I haven’t gone “off the grid”. I still use my phone. I still check Instagram occasionally. But I’ve been working on building a healthier relationship with technology. Here are some of the things that have been helping me (or that I’m working on) in no particular order:
1. Uninstalling apps (and using only web versions)
Out of sight, out of mind. Removing/uninstalling social media apps from my phone was the first step. I still check them sometimes, but only from my computer—which adds enough separation to help me be more intentional. I also use website blockers during the workday so I’m not tempted to check “just for a second” and lose half an hour.
2. Hiding apps in folders
Similarly, I have tucked away most apps inside folders, so they’re not front and center every time I unlock my screen. It creates just enough of a pause to decide if I really want to go there.
3. App timers for the ones I want to keep
There are some apps I enjoy and want to use mindfully, so I’ve added time limits. It’s amazing how different it feels when your phone reminds you that you’ve hit your daily dose—it brings more awareness and gives me a chance to ask: Do I want to keep going, or is there something else I’d rather do with my time?
4. Greyscale mode
Turning off all the color on my phone screen makes everything feel less exciting and more neutral. “Bedtime mode” sets this automatically in the evening, and adding a shortcut allows me to turn it off/on throughout the day as needed.
5. Turning off ALL notifications
Turning off almost all non-essential notifications and utilizing do not disturb has been so calming for my nervous system – it reduces the compulsive checking and lets me stay with whatever I’m doing without interruption. Now, I decide when to check it, instead of my phone deciding for me.
6. Saying out loud what I’m doing
This one might sound odd, but it’s powerful. Whenever I pick up my phone, I try to say out loud what I’m doing—either to myself or to someone nearby. “I’m checking my calendar.” “I’m texting back my sister.” It sounds small, but it makes me name the action and stay aware of my intentions; while also letting others know I’m not ignoring them.
7. Reclaiming my tools
One sneaky way my phone stayed glued to me was that it served so many functions. I’ve started investing in simple, non-digital tools—a real alarm clock, a kitchen timer, an actual camera—so I don’t need to pull out my phone for every little thing. It’s also helped cut down on the accidental rabbit holes.
8. Picking up new hobbies
While creating more space from my phone, I’ve needed to fill the time with other things and have been reading more (books with actual pages!), spending time outside, and getting back into little creative hobbies. I try to make these easy to access so the effort of starting doesn’t drive me back to my phone.
9. Giving my phone a new home
Choosing a single spot in the house where my phone “lives” instead of always keeping it in my pocket.
10. Asking: What need am I trying to meet?
This might be the therapist in me, but I try to pause and ask: Why am I reaching for my phone? Am I feeling bored? Lonely? Disconnected? Just naming the emotion helps me consider a different way to respond; often simple things like taking a walk or sitting with the feeling is more helpful for my mind and body.
Alex Luby
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
If you’re interested in working with a therapist for help with your technology habits, reach out to alex@rootsinwellness.ca for more information and to book a free consultation!
11. Mindfulness and meditation
Grounding practices like mindfulness and meditation have helped me reconnect with the present moment. Instead of reaching for a distraction, I’m learning to be with whatever’s here—my thoughts, my breath, my surroundings.
12. Learning about tech’s design
Reading about how tech companies engineer apps to be addictive has been eye-opening. It’s not a personal failure that it’s hard to put down the phone—it’s by design. Knowing that has helped me approach this journey with more self-compassion and less shame.
Bonus: Remembering my why
Above all, I’m doing this because I never want those around me to feel like my phone is more important than they are. I want to model what it looks like to be present and give the people I love (including myself) the full attention they deserve.
If you’re on your own tech-curbing journey, know that you’re not alone.
Resources:
Article about 7 Specific Tactics Social Media Companies Use to Keep You Hooked: https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/397018/7-specific-ways-social-media-companies-have-you-hooked
Article about How Technology is Hijacking Your Mind: https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-technology-hijacks-peoples-minds-from-a-magician-and-google-s-design-ethicist-56d62ef5edf3
Academic journal article on Social Media Algorithms and Teen Addiction: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11804976/
Movie, The Social Dilemma: https://www.humanetech.com/landing/the-social-dilemma
