Are you wondering: is it okay to question my faith? You’re not alone!
Many people find themselves rethinking what they believe—sometimes just one part of their faith, and sometimes the whole thing. This process is often called faith deconstruction. It means stepping back and asking honest questions about the beliefs you were raised with or once held tightly.
For some, that might look like re-examining one religious teaching, like what they were taught about sexuality, gender, or parenting. For others, it’s a broader journey that involves sorting through the core of their religious identity. You might end up redefining your beliefs, leaving your religion, reconnecting with it in a new way—or still not knowing where you stand. All of that is okay.
Is it normal to feel ____ (lost, angry, relieved, guilty, anxious etc.) when questioning my faith?
Yes, absolutely. Your faith may have shaped your community, your values, your routines, and even your identity. Questioning it can feel overwhelming. You might feel grief, freedom, guilt, hope, or all of the above—sometimes in the same day. These feelings are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They’re a natural part of the process when something big in your life starts to shift.
How can I care for myself when I question my faith?
Sometimes I wish there was a magic wand that my clients could wave to remove their hurt and pain. But the truth is, sometimes life is challenging and it makes complete sense that sometimes challenging feelings arise. You can’t control your challenging feelings, but you can control how you compassionately care for yourself when you experience these feelings. Here are a few ways I have seen clients care for themselves:
- Grounding techniques: Notice the feel of your feet on the ground. Look around and name five things you can see, or take a walk and notice your surroundings. These practices can help bring you back to the present.
- Compassionate friend: what’s one compassionate thing you might say to a friend going through the same thing? What would it be like to say that to yourself?
- Connect with your values: What matters to you? What kind of person do you want to be? Try choosing one small action this week that reflects that value.
- Find people who get it: Support groups (online or in person), inclusive places of worship, or even forums or podcasts can help you feel less isolated.
What if I don’t know what I believe anymore?
It may take time to figure out what feels right to you and/or what feels right to you may shift over time. That’s okay. There’s no rush to figure it out. In the meantime, I encourage you to reflect on what you are noticing within yourself and to offer yourself lots of care and compassion.
Can I still keep some parts of my old faith?
You can keep as much of your faith as you would like/as feels right to you. After you think about your faith you may:
- decide to keep all of your past beliefs
- may pray or celebrate holidays
- may hold onto your connection to a higher power but rethink how you see that relationship
- may decide to step away completely from your faith.
There’s no “right way” to move through this. You get to choose what your spiritual (or non-spiritual) life looks like now.
I left my old faith, but it still feels like a part of me? Is that normal?
Absolutely. My grandma chose to move from South Africa fifty years ago, but would still call herself South African. So much of her identity is shaped by her experiences there. She chose to leave and felt that was what was best for her, but she feels connected to it. I believe the same concept can be true with faith.
It’s equally valid to say, “my old faith does not feel like a part of my identity anymore”.
What is religious trauma? How do I know if I’ve experienced religious trauma?
Religious trauma happens when someone is harmed in a religious setting or by religious messages. This harm might be emotional, psychological, physical, or spiritual. It can be the result of one painful event, or it can build up over time through repeated experiences of shame, fear, or rejection. Some people don’t feel comfortable with the word “trauma”- in which case we can talk about “religious hurt”.
You might have experienced religious trauma/hurt if:
You were taught that you were “bad” for being yourself (e.g., queer, questioning, neurodivergent, etc.)
You were threatened with punishment or rejection for asking questions or having doubts
You experienced or witnessed abuse within a religious setting
You still feel fear, guilt, or shame connected to religion, even if you’ve left it
If it felt harmful to you, it matters. Period.
Is there anything therapists want clients to know about religious trauma?
Many people minimize what they went through, especially if the harm wasn’t physical or easy to name. But emotional and spiritual wounds are real. For example, some survivors of sexual assault find they can’t begin healing until they unpack the religious messages they were taught about sexuality.
You have the right to explore your story and your pain—even if others don’t understand it. You also have the right to keep what still feels good from your faith, or walk away completely. Therapy can be a helpful space to explore all of this without judgment.
Where can I find support?
Processing your feelings and questions about faith can be emotional, but you don’t have to go through it alone . Some places you can turn to for support include:
Online support groups or communities for people questioning or leaving religion
https://www.instagram.com/p/
Inclusive or affirming spiritual spaces that welcome curiosity and diverse identities
https://www.instagram.com/
https://www.facebook.com/
https://www.secularsynagogue.
https://www.mcctoronto.com/
Books, podcasts, or blogs about spiritual growth, deconstruction, or healing
https://
https://thedeconstructionists.
Therapy with someone who understands religious trauma and identity questions:
Sometimes having a neutral space to process your religious experiences can be really helpful; a place where there is no pressure to become more or less religious than you are. A place that holds space for all your feelings and all your intersectional identities.
A final Thought:
It’s okay if this feels messy. It’s okay if you’re holding a lot of feelings at once, or if you don’t know where you’re headed yet. What you’re going through makes sense, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. You deserve support that meets you with care, not pressure. If you’re looking for a space to talk through your questions, your hurt, or your hopes for the future, I’m here to help. Reach out to book a free consultation and see if therapy might feel like a good fit for you right now.
Hi, I’m Christy. I grew up in a religious environment where faith was a big part of who I was. When I started questioning what I believed, it was confusing and lonely at times—I struggled to find spaces that felt truly open, supportive, and understanding. Now, I love walking alongside others who are sorting through their own questions about faith, identity, and what feels true for them. I offer individual therapy virtually throughout Ontario. I also offer walk and talk therapy in North York, Thornhill, and Richmond Hill.
Intern Therapist
RP (Qualifying)
References:
Evans, R. H. (2014). Faith unraveled: how a girl who knew all the answers learned to ask questions. Zondervan.
Harris, R. (2021). Trauma-Focused ACT: A practitioner’s guide to working with mind, body & emotion using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). “Deconstruction”. Retrieved on June 6, 2025. https://www.merriam-webster.
