“Will I Ever Feel Like Myself Again?”- Postpartum Questions Nobody Warned Me About
Postpartum is a beautiful, challenging, and at times, overwhelming period. It’s normal to experience many different emotions and have lots of questions around your experiences. Here are just a few that you may notice come up.
Is it normal to feel sad after giving birth?
Yes. And you’re not alone.
Up to 80% of new parents experience the “baby blues” during the first two weeks postpartum—feelings of sadness, overwhelm, and tearfulness are very common.
But if your sadness lasts longer than two weeks, or if you’re experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, please know that help is available. These may be signs of postpartum depression or another mood disorder.
Postpartum mood disorders are common. About 1 in 5 birthing parents and 1 in 10 non-birthing parents experience them. The postpartum period can be incredibly tender. Sleep deprivation, birth recovery, feeding struggles, changing relationships, and the weight of new responsibilities can all take a toll.
Why do I feel so guilty about how I feed my baby (or other parenting decisions)?
Many parents feel immense pressure to “get it right” because they care so much. Trying to balance everything (your mental wellbeing, baby’s care, financial wellbeing, any household or work responsibilities etc) can be really tough.
There can also be so many conflicting messages about sleep, feeding, and everything in between! This can lead to feelings of confusion, overwhelm, and guilt.
Feeding especially can carry shame—some parents feel like their bodies are failing if breastfeeding or chestfeeding is difficult. Please know: struggling does not mean you’re failing!
There is no single “right” way to parent. You are the expert of your own life and family. The inner critic may pop up, but you can trust yourself to know what’s going to work best for your family more than a social media influencer could.
Why do I hate parental leave? Why is nighttime so hard?
You can find parts of parenting incredibly difficult and still love your baby deeply.
Many new parents feel lonely during parental leave, especially during night feedings. You might miss your old routines, your work, or just feeling like yourself. This is valid! Parenting is full of beauty and sacrifice—and both deserve space.
Am I a bad parent if I don’t feel bonded with my baby?
Absolutely not! Bonding doesn’t always happen right away—it’s okay if it takes time.
If this feeling persists for an extended period of time,, it might be a sign of postpartum depression. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It just means it might be worth a check in with a doctor to explore symptoms; you deserve care too.
How can I ask for help without feeling like a failure?
You could try imagining that your sibling or best friend had a baby. Would you think they are a failure if they need help?
Sometimes looking at it from a different perspective can be helpful. Would you feel like a failure if you asked for help after a surgery? Would you feel like a failure if you asked for help during a busy work stretch where you were consistently pulling all nighters? If not, I wonder what makes postpartum different for you?
Sometimes exploring your values can also be helpful. For example, some parents feel okay asking for help with household chores, but not baby care—and that’s okay. Support doesn’t have to look one way. You can choose what feels right for you.
If you’re struggling emotionally, reaching out for mental health support is a strong and compassionate choice. Postpartum challenges are incredibly common—even for those who don’t meet diagnostic criteria.
Will I ever feel like “me” again after having a baby?
Big life changes shift us. Some people return to a familiar version of themselves, others discover a new self entirely. Both are valid.
Is it normal to miss my old life?
Yes. Missing your pre-baby life doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. Parenthood can bring real losses—sleep, spontaneity, freedom, even parts of your identity. Some of these losses are temporary, others may be longer lasting. Grieving them is healthy and important. You can love your baby and mourn what’s changed at the same time.
Do you have suggestions for other resources (other than therapy)?
Postpartum Support International:
Free Mental Health postpartum support groups, helplines, and peer mentorship programs.
https://postpartum.net/get-
Healthy Babies, Healthy Children Program
A public health nurse and friendly family visitor can provide free visits to new parents facing hard times. This is a free program for families in Ontario; your healthcare provider simply has to refer you.
https://www.ontario.ca/page/
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline
A hotline dedicated to individuals who are postpartum and their families. The hotline provides emotional support, resources, and referrals to new and expecting parents and their loved ones.
1-833-TLC-MAMA
https://mchb.hrsa.gov/
How can therapy help after having a baby?
Therapy can treat postpartum depression and anxiety—and even help prevent them. You don’t need a diagnosis to benefit from support. Therapy offers space to process, grieve, reconnect, and heal.
What kind of therapist should I see?
The most important thing is finding someone you feel safe with. A strong therapeutic relationship is key.
That said, a therapist with perinatal experience may be especially helpful—they’ll understand the unique stressors of this season, including intrusive thoughts, baby blues, and the emotional shifts that can follow birth.
You’re not meant to do this alone. Support exists, and you are worthy of it.
Christy Leibowitz is an intern therapist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Christy worked as an Early Childhood Educator in the infant room of a daycare. She discovered one of her favourite parts was caring for parents through this vulnerable life transition. This led Christy to become a postpartum doula, and ultimately, a therapist. Christy has taken postpartum specific mental health trainings to enhance her knowledge. In addition to professional experience, Christy has lived experience navigating both fertility and parenting. She has one sweet three year old.
Intern Therapist
RP (Qualifying)
References:
Bennett, S., & Pec, I. (2024). Beyond the blues: Understanding and treating prenatal and postpartum depression & anxiety (6th ed). Gaudium Publishing.
Breedlove, G. (2018). Nobody told me about that: The first six weeks. Ginger Breedlove Publishing.
